I’m so fucking angry right now.
So upset. My mother makes everything about herself and is a total selfish narcissistic cock blocker. I don’t know why I would ever listen to her or seek her counsel like i have my whole life when it obviously is always to sabotage me.
I don’t know why I ask for advice from anyone. I’ve always believed that people have my best interest at heart because I would always give advice to people with their best interest. I’m not a snake. I don’t really have it in me to be one. But a part of me believes you have to be cold in this life to survive. If you aren’t blessed with good parents, money,etc. You have to protect yourself from evil & selfishness.
Not writing in this tumblr and getting my thoughts out has been a downfall in these last couple of weeks.
I’ll start from about a month ago. I was on twitter and this famous guy direct messaged me. I thought it was a joke and I kept going back and forth between my account and his just to make sure it was really from his official Verified account. And it was. He sent me his email and he was flirting with me and then eventually asked for my number, which I gave him. He basically asked me to “hang out” with him & come to his house in LA. Which I know really means he wants someone to fuck & that’s it.
I was flattered. And even though I knew he just wanted sex I really didn’t care. The only thing that scared me was the obvious fact that I’m still a virgin and semi scared of sex. I thought maybe there was some way he’d be able to tell that I was obviously not experienced. For some dumb ass reason I think that would be a turn off to most men.
Anyways, I told my mom about it and she convinced me that it was dumb and I shouldn’t go meet him. Then she convinced me that doing that would make me a whore and he was using me. I got caught up in that thinking & basically missed my chance.
Now I feel like an idiot. Sure, he just wanted sex. BUT I DON’T CARE. I don’t know him either. I just wanted him for sex too since I just like the way he looks. Life is short. Why not have a wild night one time? I can’t believe I went back to my old boring ways and chickened out as usual.
I’m so upset with myself. I should’ve just done it and I’d no longer be a virgin and had fucked a celebrity.
Fucking hell……Will I ever get the chance again? I’m done with caring about real love and happiness. I just want to have fun. I just want to be a human being and live